April is here.....

So this is the month, April,.... the Visual Snow study results are supposed to be released sometime this month. How do I feel? Depressed, anxious and scared. I say depressed because it's still hard for me to believe that I am going through this rare disorder. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. How I was normal one day and the next not. I say anxious because, I participated in this study... this is going to show, or may show, what exactly is going wrong in my brain and others with VS' brain. I say scared because the results could come back with really bad news. This is a make or break it thing for me. It could say there is some kind of damage they found or something irreversible going on. One the other end of that though they could have really great news that could give us some hope and something to hold on to. I sometimes try to think about the things I would do if there is a treatment for this. Some people do just fine and are still pursuing their life's dream, my VS however has gotten worse to a point where my tracking of fast objects is delayed. My dreams have been placed on hold. If here were a successful treatment for this I want to visit London and travel by train. It is something I have always dreamed of doing. I am a little, maybe borderline, obsessed about all things English. After that I would travel all of Europe. I would then come back to the states and travel here. Deep down I feel like as long as I can hold on hope to fulfilling this dream, then there is a chance that I can get better. God willing, we will all get better.....