Thursday, October 24, 2013
Visual Snow Study
So tomorrow is October 25th 2013- The day that Dr. Christoph Schankin will be announcing the result of the study I participated in. For the longest time I was regretting this day.... maybe because I am not expecting good news... or maybe because it makes it official that something is wrong with my brain. Both of those are scary things to me.
I am not getting my hopes up that anything was really accomplished from the study. I know rumors are getting tossed around left and right and most of the things talked about are ridiculous and I HOPE are not true... (I am speaking in terms of treatments).
Out of all of this... I just pray that there will be a day soon where I can wake up and just be normal. I want to be able to see normally, think normally, hear normally and feel normally. I want to be the person I was 7 1/2 years ago. I want my life back!! I want to have another child and be able to give my all to him/her. I want to be complete and whole and more of a mother to my son and the same for my husband.
::Deep Breath::
I know God will take care of me no matter what.... I know he will take care of YOU no matter what too.
I haven't written in a very long time, and so when I finally picked up a pen the other day, I was beside myself with what I wrote.
It has to do with what I experienced when I was younger- growing up. My mom struggled with depression all the way up until she died. She also had an undiagnosed illness which she always worried about.
This is what I wrote:
I was just a child when my world changed
she was just a mother in pain
I am just a mother in pain
he is just a child, his word changed
I couldn't believe it... but am glad I wrote it. It will always remind me that I am what my child see's. I don't want to be a miserable dim light to my son, I want to be the world to him like he is to me. I have to find that light!!!
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SkimOrDieGirl, my name is Philip. I am using my wife's account to post this message on your blog, so it might show her e-mail address, etc. We both kinda share it. LISTEN, I have read your blog and I have the SAME thing as you that started on May 6th, 2011. I woke up with vertigo, and after a couple years of getting TONS of tests done, I have been found to have BILATERAL VESTIBULAR HYPOFUNCTION, too! Now, you have written that you have ZERO function, and while I'm not at ZERO, I asked the doc how much function I had and he said if TEN is healthy and ZERO is none, then I have a TWO. They do not have any clue what has caused mine since I had never taken medication as you had. But, let me tell you, I UNDERSTAND YOU COMPLETELY!! This condition sucks and sometimes I need a FRIEND to talk to but I don't have one who understands. I mean, we look fine, so people assume we are, but as you know, WE AREN'T!! lol I would like to be friends if that's ok with you. I am 33 years old, a Spanish teacher (tough to teach like this, but I get through it), and again, just need someone to talk to who can relate. Looking forward to your response and hang in there!! I know it sucks!!
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