Waking up feeling down

Lately it's been fear in the back of my mind 24/7. Since this new symptom started it's like getting Visual Snow all over again... fearful of it getting worse... hearing stories of it getting worse and knowing just how bad it can get. I have come across a couple of people who have the same symptoms, but it looks like they've gone on to college and graduated and never responded to their original posts. It gives me a hope in a sense, but I still can't stop thinking about the "What if"! I really wish the Visual Snow study would be published already.... I am so scared it will not show anything, but the fact that they will not release any news on it until it is published tells me they must have found something! God, how I pray they find something... something that gets us either closer or right face to face with a treatment. At this point if they told me to eat dog crap and it would make me better, Put it this way, you wouldn't want to come to my house! My migraines have been showing up again, but I reckon that might be due to me getting closer to starting my period although you never know when it comes to my migraines. They started with this Visual Snow BS and haven't left since!!!! Dang this visual snow and the hell it brings. I couldn't imagine having this my whole like like some people do... I just can't imagine! I guess in a way it would be good because they wouldn't know what normal vision was like and maybe they are saying I can't imagine getting this later in life. You know what sucks the most? My health went to crap at 24 years old. I worked out 5 days a week, had an active and fairly healthy lifestyle (Active beach bum), but was just under a lot of stress. Why did the Visual Snow hit 3 1/2 years later. I guess it was a little before then because I saw the blue entopic phenomenon, but still.... why did it slowly progress? Yes I was having migraines every now and then, but nothing major like I do now. I wish Dr.'s could just figure this out. I wish a Dr. would be truly captivated with this disorder and find a tried and true treatment. God, I hope that is Dr. Goadsby. I want my life back. My son is already 4 and I have never been normal around him. He doesn't know me as I used to be... free spirited, fun, loving, passionate... now I am just a stone cold empty shell of a human being who he calls mama. That sucks!!! So yea, back to my original post... I wake up feeling so depressed... It isn't a way to live. I hope it goes away soon... I just hate life like this..... It isn't life at all... it's wasted life..... I just feel like there is a barrier between me and the world... like all of my working brain is secluded to a small area.