I am clueless

So I haven't posted in a few days. I have been so confused. My migraines are still daily and I don't know if they are related to the visual stuff or what. I know in Katy's case it was and they fixed it, WHY CAN'T I BE FIXED. I find out the results of my CT scan next week, but I am feeling down about that and sure they won't find anything. I can find lots of reasons to suggest I have something wrong with my lungs, or even my brain, but no one can find anything. Is anyone reading this?

pulmonary AV fistula

This is what they will be looking for via CT scan on Tuesday. I have researched this and am finding that CT scan is not a good way of finding this.... so I guess I will have to get a second opinion after this too?? Gosh, I just wish someone could figure this OUT!!!!!

10/20/10

It's actually 10/21/10, but I need to write about what happened later on yesterday after the procedure. Depression! It hit me so hard. I was so depressed that I sat there for hours telling myself I can't live anymore like this. I would never hurt myself, but I pretty much felt like death inside. I didn't get the answer I was looking for. The same diagnosis everyone else has with these symptoms... I DIDN't get. I spent countless hours with my face in the computer, ignoring my family researching for what??? To start back over.

After spending most of the day feeling that way, I decided I needed to pick up my son from day care. Once I seen his smiling face I knew what I needed to do. I have to keep going and have hope that the Dr's are going to figure this out. I have a precious son who needs me as a mommy for him, and I need him.

Bad News

So I have delayed posting anything on here because of the news I received after the TEE. The dr., who in my opinion thought nothing was wrong with me since I first met him, said a couple of bubbles made it across, HOWEVER he could not see a hole. So, he is sending me for a CT scan.... but get this... it's a Pulminary CT scan, which I don't understand... why isn't it of my heart??? How can everyone one I know with these symptoms have the hole and this guy tell me he can't find one. What makes it worse... is why don't they want to give me answers. He rushed out of the room so fast and when I called his office I had to wait for a call back, which still gave me no answers!!!

I am very upset and have been crying all morning. None of these people understand what I am going through and just how desperate I am to get an answer. Why is he pushing me off to someone else. He told me since day 1 that he thought it was a lung problem.... and that is where he is pushing me off to. Well I am getting a second opinion. I will sort that out tomorrow though. I feel almost worse off then I was before the procedure... I guess because I was riding on that hope and now lost it. I feel like I should have my foot in my mouth. That I came this far for nothing. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????

So frustrated

So tomorrow is my procedure and I have had a lot of faith that I am going to find my answer with getting this TEE done. Katy even called me this afternoon for a bit of reassurance. Everything was fine with the confidence level that they would find something... until I talked to my father. He believes they are going to find NOTHING wrong with me. So this means my dear ol' dad doesn't think anything is wrong with me. I guess I have daily migraines and see stupid annoying flashy funky crap in my eyes and that there is nothing wrong with me. Well that does it.... I am just crazy I guess. Ship me off to the looney bin.

Dear Dad,

For the past 8 months I have been complaining about strange symptoms going on with my vision. I even mentioned daily headaches. I told you how frustrating it was that I had to go through this while trying to raise your new grandson. Do you remember when I told you I found more people like me with these symptoms and the one thing we had in common was a hole in the heart. Yup I remember, you told me the dr. said it was closed and I remember my first thought was, "what did that dr. know". I also told you how I found the ONE person in this world who had my exact same symptoms to the "T", had a hole in her heart as well and got the hole closed and she is now SYMPTOM FREE!!!! These are coincidences??? I think not!! This is factual evidence in my book and I haven't prayed every night for an answer which led me to finding Katy and actually having hope to just drop it because you said the Dr.s are going to find NOTHING. No! Tomorrow they will find something. I will not bask in the glory of telling you "You were wrong", I won't even say that to you. I just hope at that moment you will know and then be my dad. A dad who trusts in his daughter that something is wrong.

Any ways.... Good luck to me tomorrow.

TEE and scared

TEE is on Wednesday.... it's Monday right now and I am SCARED!!!! I am not afraid of the procedure, or the results.... I don't want to be sedated. I hate the feeling of any drug taking control of me!!!! Most people enjoy that kind of stuff.... not me!! I just want to fast forward this whole test so that it will be done and over with and I can have my results. I am just not looking forward to this thing. I wish there was an easier way around this. Most people think, oh it's nothing. You are talking to a girl who had 5 cavaties filled and NO anesthetic what so ever!!! Meanwhile my husband had his teeth cleaned and 2 receding areas fixed on his teeth and was HIGH as all get out!!! Bahhh!

Just thought I'd share this with everyone.. All of No people who read this haha.

Mitral Valve Prolapse?

A friend of mine said her Dr. found that she had some sort of MVP problem as well as a PFO. I am hoping I don't have this because I read where it is linked to Graves disease, which I have from my hyperthyroid. Uggggg I just want to find a cure!!!!