Why we have doubts

This is something I have dealt with ever since getting this stinking condition. I have always doubted that I would get better. I've always thought, however, that everyone else would get better. Am I the only one? It isn't that I feel undeserving or anything like that, it's more like "my condition is much worse and not fixable whereas yours is!" Now that just isn't right, is it?

I just came across this online: "If you ever arrive at a place where all your doubts are gone and all your questions are answered, take a deep breath and relax because you’ve arrived in heaven."

I guess that is reassuring looking at it from a fellow Christian's (and a pastors) perspective. I am the queen of self doubt (PERIOD). I've always felt like I wasn't a good example of a Christian because of all the doubt I am filled with. I am a very scientific person as well and that sometimes doesn't mix well. I have always had to see things to believe it and I have the type of brain that likes to ponder complex things and figure things out. At a very young age (5 or 6) I would lay in bed at night thinking about what happens after we die, how the world was made, etc. Had I been exposed to the church then, I would have had all of the answers I needed, but I wasn't.

With all that said, I hate being labeled as some uptight Christian who looks down on everyone else, because it just isn't true. I struggled with an eating disorder before I was a teenager and for the longest time had no self worth. Becoming a Christian saved me from more than most can imagine. I am very grateful for it. I would like to say that I think of myself as equal, but I know there are times when I slip up with that as well - that is where doubt comes in to play....

 I guess what I am trying to say with all of this is.... I have been struggling lately with doubting that I will get a successful cure/treatment for myself. Even thought I was in the study and had the same results as everyone else, I just still put myself in that category and I hate that. I want to be so positive that I will get a second chance because it just feels so good to imagine myself being free from this prison of a condition, but that doubt robs me of those freeing thoughts.

Getting that email from Dr. Schankin where he mentions several treatment options gave me a boost that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I wish I could stay on that high that it created in me. Maybe I need to re-read it and know that I was in the study and I am just the same as everyone else.... just different brain chemistry, same condition.....

::Added after original post:: I just wanted to note that I am not doubting my faith in God in this post. I am sorry if I came across that way. By all means I don't think any of us would be where we are now (Having had a study completed and a treatment on the way) had it not been for prayer and many others faith. My faith lies in God and it will always be that way. It helps me get through each day. Even after I/We get a treatment, I will continue to pray to God and ask for guidance and whatever else may be on my heart.

 Lord, help me to help myself. Take this self doubt from me and bring me to a state of confidence in knowing that you paid the ultimate price so that I can be here today. Also help me to have faith that I will be free of this condition very soon as well as everyone else suffering.

Amen!