Did I do it all for nothing?

 The whole reason why I left the Facebook Visual Snow board is because of the constant anxiety that could be felt from almost every single post. I was not mad at anyone for posting the way they were feeling, I remember how scared I was in the beginning, I just chose not to put myself around that anxiety anymore since I am a very receptive person. It helped me tons with coming to terms with this disorder. The scariest part of all of this was not knowing what was/is causing this. I know that all of us are very different, no brain is the same, so what may work for one person, may not work for another.

 When I was asked to participate in the visual snow study I found myself in a very surreal moment. I felt the fear rising in me and experienced every irrational thought one could, such as the plane crashing, the testing causing more symptoms, etc. On the other hand I felt this deep concern that had I not gone for this once in a life time opportunity to be in the study, that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I also felt that had the Doctors found a similar mechanism in all of us attending, that it could mean the possibility of a similar treatment for all of us.

 My point to all of this really is - Lately with rumors going around about other possibilities - that VS facebook members are coming up with, and other studies being done by other doctors, that me going to California was all for nothing.

 I feel like, WHY? Also, how dare?!? How dare you people take for granted those two doctors who have gone out of their way to devote their time to seeking out the why's and how's of visual snow. Why can't you people wait until they are finished with their studies before you start moving on to someone else's theory? It makes me down right mad! The study that I read today simply took other peoples work and placed it into their own report. Most of it I had read before and some of it made no sense at all to me. My money is on Dr. Goadsby and Christoph Schankin finding the answers. This is where my prayers are going and God has brought me here for a reason. I met those Dr.'s and seen the determination on their faces. Don't rain on my parade, PLEASE!

 This past month has been one of the best months I have had in many years! My migraines have been far and few and I am turning 32 tomorrow. I usually don't celebrate much for my birthday, but dang-it, this year is MY year! This is the year that something good happens in the face of VS!!