Why do I look on the internet

I shouldn't even do anymore research on my symptoms until after I see the Dr. on Tuesday. (Yes, seeing a cardiologist on Tuesday).

Right now I feel like I am going to vomit. To look up a symptom and read RARE, unusual, uncommon... etc. it really drags your hope down. Katy has been sick and isn't able to answer my email. I just want to know if she experienced the after images (palinopsia) as well. It's the worst symptom for me. A lot of sites are suggesting I could of got this from an anti depressant, but the thing is.... I was off anti depressants when this first started. It got worse after I tried an anti depressant after the baby, but I still think it's related to having the baby.

All I know is this condition has made me feel so alone. I have never felt so alone in my whole life and I don't know how I am going to get through this. All I want is to be normal and enjoy my family. Why do doctors not know about this???

God, please let the hole in the heart be the reason I am experiencing these symptoms. Please have them fix it and my symptoms go away!!!!!!

I want my life back!