So it's been a while since I posted last. No real updates on me. I have been following up more on my Graves thyroid disease and the Dr. was requesting that I get it taken out considering it's grown very large. My lab work however is showing that my thyroid is starting to go back to normal after 10 years. I think this is impossible because I know how I FEEL and I FEEL hyper, at least more anxious. The anxiety could be because of the vision symptoms. Who wants to be constantly reminded that they are different and the chances of them seeing normal again is very slim?
I am now on part time with my work which has caused my husband to pick up a lot of slack with work and money. I am at the point now where I feel like throwing in the cards and moving up north to be with his side of the family. It makes me sad to think that while my son continues to grow, my symptoms continue to get worse. I won't be able to attend any soccer games at night because I can't see. I won't even be able to drive him anywhere at night, let alone myself. I feel like this is a death sentence at the age of 29. It's been 3 years and medicines the dr's throw at me has only made me worse. I fear that being on the prescribed antidepressant for 10 years off and on and then going off pretty quickly is what caused this. I can't even remember if I was still taking it when the symptoms came on because I didn't really mind them, I thought it was thyroid related.
The Dr. in California is still studying the condition, so this, besides a miracle from God, is my last hope(s). The last I heard they signed on a Dr. from Germany who is gathering information for the study. Once that is obtained, hopefull, and it's not guaranteed, but God willing, there will be some clinical trials going on. I know we are all different, those of us suffering or LIVING with this condition, so the cure might be different. But if they could just find out where in the brain and why then hopefully that will point to the cure.
My family doesn't understand and once it's not talked about it's forgotten. My headaches are back to daily again and the migraines have been more frequent. I WILL NOT take anything for it because it really does get worse. I just feel like my brain chemistry or electricity is doing it's own thing right now, but not the right way and it thinks it is. I am trying to ignore the symptoms in hopes that my brain will filter them again somehow, which I know is possible but some things you can't ignore. I see lines and patterns vibrating a lot more now. Even the bumpers on the cars in front of me while driving will vibrate. It's a shame....... I have so much will and desire inside of me that I am unable to get out. I am scared to do things because of my eyes and some things I am unable to do now. I pray night and day for a miracle..., but it's just not my time now I guess.
I sometimes wish there was someone close to me here who has it so they could understand and I wouldn't feel so alone. The aloneness makes me feel like I can not connect with anyone because they don't understand. The people I've found who have had these symptoms, but found their own answers stop talking to me after a few emails, probably because they are healed and don't want to relive the past. I understand, but I want to help others who go through this even when I get healed. Life is not meant to feel so alone. I know I am going to find MY cure, I just wish I had some more bright neon signs pointing towards it for me :)
