Screw you Social Security Disability

Yes, I said it!!! Screw you!!! You and your panel of HEALTHY employee's found me capable of work??? Step into my shoes you bunch of greedy, ignorant people. If you were in my shoes for a minute you would grab the nearest object with a sharp point and dig out your wrists. I have dealt with this crap for 8 years! Of course I have some level of function... I have stopped myself from committing suicide... does that deem me functional? Or is it because I won't swallow your Rx of happy pills which probably got me in this situation in the first place. Explain to me how a person whose whole field of vision is cluttered with static, see's trails off of passing objects and afterimages after most things you look at, who can't stand to be inside a moving vehicle because the speed makes her dizzy and her peripheral vision looks like I am on a merry go round, can work???? What the heck can I do? Should I go be a nun? Yes, I could probably do that.... is that what I am capable of doing you bunch of ignorant baboons! Because you can't physically see my disability that deems me non disabled???? You think this is what I want to do with my life? I would much rather be healthy and able to be at the beach soaking up some sun, or traveling this beautiful world! Instead I spend my days stressed out over what I am unable to do because of this stupid disorder that I was so freaking lucky to wake up one day with. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You people are wonderful and I can only imagine how many people are out there suffering way more than I am and you lousy group of fart tarts have denied them as well. This migraines on you!

April is here.....

So this is the month, April,.... the Visual Snow study results are supposed to be released sometime this month. How do I feel? Depressed, anxious and scared. I say depressed because it's still hard for me to believe that I am going through this rare disorder. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. How I was normal one day and the next not. I say anxious because, I participated in this study... this is going to show, or may show, what exactly is going wrong in my brain and others with VS' brain. I say scared because the results could come back with really bad news. This is a make or break it thing for me. It could say there is some kind of damage they found or something irreversible going on. One the other end of that though they could have really great news that could give us some hope and something to hold on to. I sometimes try to think about the things I would do if there is a treatment for this. Some people do just fine and are still pursuing their life's dream, my VS however has gotten worse to a point where my tracking of fast objects is delayed. My dreams have been placed on hold. If here were a successful treatment for this I want to visit London and travel by train. It is something I have always dreamed of doing. I am a little, maybe borderline, obsessed about all things English. After that I would travel all of Europe. I would then come back to the states and travel here. Deep down I feel like as long as I can hold on hope to fulfilling this dream, then there is a chance that I can get better. God willing, we will all get better.....