I will not feel sorry for myself anymore!

Today my best friend, who oddly enough has visual snow too, messaged me about how she got in some travel brochures for visiting Patagonia, South America. She said I should go and she felt it would help me get over my fear of flying. My first thought is I would totally go "IF" I didn't have this new symptom of not being able to track fast cars. It would be my luck to go there and my vision get worse and I wouldn't be able to track anything. Now, logically if I sit back and observe this pattern of thinking I can see that this is a catastrophic way of thinking and by all means isn't rational. I mean, I have been close to the same for over a month with just a little worsening, but some days are better than others, so chances are going somewhere isn't going to make me worse. Now on the other hand the stress from flying could make my symptoms worse, so I refuse to go.... now that is a better way of thinking. Some may say that is crazy and just go, but it isn't that simple. I have been telling myself for the past month that this is so awful to be going through, why me, what is the point of living... yada yada. Then I would end my night by reading scriptures from the bible. How can I change my life around to get closer to God and here I was doing the opposite of what I should. The church is always talking about serving and helping others and my first thought is always, "I would if I didn't have such and such problem." I should be putting myself in the shoes of those who are needy. Those who are blind and would kill to have my vision no matter how screwed up it is. There are children who lose their eyesight because of health conditions. BLIND!!! I am not BLIND! My perception is altered and skewed, but I am not blind. To have these thoughts that I would rather be blind to not have to see what I see if absurd. It's not rational thinking, it's catastrophic thinking. It's me thinking of the worse. I am still able to see my baby boys smiling face every day. I am still able to see my husband and family. Heck, I am still able to work (as much as I don't want to). I will not feel sorry for myself anymore. Yes I could worse, but most importantly I COULD get better. I was setting a limitation on myself not only with my abilities on what I can and can't do, but I was diagnosing myself as permanent and nothing is too permanent for God. I read the bible and see stories of healing and never put myself in the their shoes or ever thought that I could be healed too, but why not? Why couldn't I be healed just as they were. Jesus health the lame, blind, sick and DEAD! I am healed!! "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;"by his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24-25